dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
