I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
