But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
