dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
