I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
