they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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