i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
