Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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