Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
