I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
