it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
