make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
