ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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