I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
