so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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