That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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