i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
