Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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