I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
