State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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