wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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