so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
