Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
