just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
