Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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