I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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