just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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