I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
