Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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