I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
