You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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