I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My life is pants optional.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
