haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
