Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
