dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
