he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
