I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
