There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
