just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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