i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
