So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
