My brain says no but my pants say off.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
