I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
