I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
