he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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