Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
