I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need to calm my uterus...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
