Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
