and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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