She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
