i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
